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Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Customizing Your Gun to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse


There are four possible causes of a world-ending apocalypse:
  • Global Warming/Environmental Cataclysm/2012
  • Nuclear Warfare
  • Pandemic/Super-Virus
  • Zombies

Of these four possibilities, we can all agree the most likely would be zombies. As has been proven over time by "based on a true story" movies such as Shaun of the Dead, 28 Days Later, Zombieland, and Night of the Living Dead, zombies are relentless. They crave human flesh. The zombies of the past were lumbering oafs, but over the years they have become stronger and significantly faster. Numerous survival guides have been written about surviving the zombie apocalypse, and to rehash everything would be pointless. I highly advise you consult with your local librarian for any material.

After securing food, shelter, searching for survivors, your next step will be to defend what you have, and to deal with the zombie horde that over time will become hungrier and hungrier and be looking for their next meal- aka you. This article is meant to help you plan exactly how you can customize your rifle to maximize your zombie killing prowess. Please note- there are many ways you can customize your rifle, all extremely effective. This is just one of the many ways you can do so.

Wait, why a rifle? Wouldn't a shotgun/handgun/flame thrower be better?
There are a few reasons why you would want a rifle.

  • A handgun is an excellent backup weapon, but simply isn't cool enough for the job.
  • A shotgun lacks the long-distance capabilities you may find yourself needing on offensive missions.
  • A flamethrower needs fuel to run, which most likely will be in very short supply, or difficult to access.
  • A SMG just isn't versatile enough for the job. Also isn't cool enough for the job.

Okay, now what should I get?

Glad you asked. First, you are going to need a sight or scope for your weapon. I recommend a Holographic Sight for one simple reason: you can sight with both eyes open. A traditional rifle scope requires you to close one eye to acquire your target. A holographic sight, on the other hand, offers parallax-free sight. This means you aren't going to lose your peripheral vision- very important because zombies can be extremely sneaky. You should also consider an ACOG Scope due to its unique battery-less operation. Fiber optics gather available light during the day to power this reflex sight, while a tritium lamp powers it at night. To be honest- you might as well carry both!

Which brings me to the next point: you WILL need a Tactical Bag. You just aren't going to be able to get around with your weaponry and supplies using some bag you keep your gym equipment in. You need something lightweight but also rugged enough to carry your possessions and take a beating. Check out the 5.11 Tactical Patrol Ready Bag for an example of a perfect tactical bag. Have you ever seen someone with a Transformers backpack kill a zombie? Definitely not.

Getting back to your gun, you will want a weapon light. A weapon light is a flashlight that mounts directly onto your gun and is extremely bright and reliable. For that purpose, the Streamlight TLR Series come highly recommended. You can also mount a weapon light on a handgun, as you can see in the picture. Zombies do an awful job of keeping electricity running- sure some plants running on hydro power, nuclear power, or geothermal will be running for some time, but you can't count on it. When the sun goes down, you won't be able to light up everywhere you need to be. By mounting a weapon light, you are keeping your hands free for your most important task- killing zombies.

Now, let's talk about additional tactical supplies you could use that will make you the zombie-killing machine you were born to be.

  • Thermal Imaging- Vampires run cold. Zombies run hot. There's no quicker way to determine how many hostile zombies are in a possible source of supplies than using thermal imaging.
  • Binoculars- You are going to want to be able to see possible threats from a distance, especially during daylight. Also handy for identifying other survivors without mistaking a zombie for a survivor and becoming lunch.
  • Tactical Balls- These LED balls will be fantastic at distracting zombies and confusing them. They are lightweight and it is easy to keep a couple in your pocket, ready for trickery at any time.
  • Swiss Army Knife- Tons of useful tools in a small package. What isn't to like?

Armed with this knowledge, there is no doubt that you will be one of the people most prepared for the attack of the zombies. Always be prepared.